If only I were cool enough to devote an entire post to these subjects. However, the Care Bears deserve someone who carries a true passion for them, and that person is definitely not me. When it comes to molesting stuffed animals I'm more of a Pound Puppy kind of guy. As for burning octogenarians alive, there's really no way to make that funny without downplaying the benefits to society and/or making others hesitant to do their part. This has to be a group effort people.

Moving along, I appreciate nobody pointing out -- or possibly even caring about -- the fact that I've missed a day or two along the way of this month-long posting blitz. I'm completely on board with the thought process driving this lack of accountability; when I was 13 and my Dad promised me daily fanbelt beatings, I issued no reminders at those times he was just too drunk to remember about it.

In regards to widening my online presence, I have a feeling that if I were to start including more images of semi-naked women in my posts, even if wholly irrelevant, I would increase my traffic considerably. As it is, about 1/4 of my readership are an assortment of deviants, so it could also be looked at a way of helping them be more efficient. Less time on the web means more time that they could be out there installing cameras into the back of their serial killer van.

Seeing how this post has become an archipelago of random, it seems appropriate to close with something of equal randomness that happened to me moments ago on the elevator here at work. I had just stepped on, fajitas in hand, joining a janitor and her cart. As soon as the doors shut she blurted out "Now it's a party!" without making eye contact or saying anything else. At least until we stopped at all 4 floors on the way down to let people on (lunch rush and all), when should would repeat the catchphrase "Now it's a party!" I lost it at the second floor; her joke had successfully circumnavigated my sense of humor, becoming so unfunny that it was now in fact funny. I guess it really was a party.