Is it possible that the Internet knows me a little better than I actually know myself? I suppose it's equally possible that I have yet to fully grasp the subtleties of search engine functionality, but somewhere along the way I did fall under the impression that to be searchable by a certain term or phrase, it would in fact need to be located in my blog somewhere. There are plenty of queries that guided people here in good sense, such as:

• "Hairy pumpkins"
• "God of beards"
• "Unspoken laws of life"
• "Clay Aiken"

However, hanging around the bottom of the list are some things that I can't decide if I'd rather be proud of, or bury my head in shame for:

• "Use it if you got it"
• "Face raping"
• "Edward Penishands"
• "Candy-ass Jew"
• "Peanut butter nipples"

What I find especially strange is that when I plug these phrases into Google (both with and without the quotes), I don't see Genius Pending anywhere. Is it possible that people are getting linked here from a faulty search engine in Bratislava? Or am I just buried in page 387 of the results, and someone is actually that desperate to learn about face raping? Whatever the case may be, I think it's safe to say that I should stop trying to check what I say since the Internet as a whole is obviously not listening.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's post, "Care Bear Sodomy and Setting the Elderly on Fire."