All Hail The Breakfast Stack
at Wednesday, April 1, 2009
This past weekend was spent with my best friend McLean, on a bromantic getaway to the Oregon Coast. With a beach side cabin and pocketfuls of beer money at our disposal, we had positioned ourselves in such a way that good times were inevitable. And so they were. From a several hour jaunt hiking and climbing through the damp coastal rainforest, to receiving complimentary drinks from 50+ year old townies, it was everything I had hoped for and then some.
As the predetermined goal for the weekend was a calculated exploration of the excessive, it only makes sense that our dining habits were so aligned as well. There was the good (chicken gizzards and jalapeno potato buddies from the diviest of dive bars in the State Capital), the bad (me throwing up sauerkraut through my nose at 2am on the windiest beach known to man), and then the downright amazing... which will henceforth be known as The Breakfast Stack.
It all started with an idea; to concoct an assemblage of classical breakfast foods the likes of which have never been seen. Essentially the perfect hangover meal. Did we do it? Judge for yourselves:

What you're looking at is the bastard child of a quiche and the plate scrapings from every customer at Denny's. Here's a cut view, labeled for your convenience:

As you can imagine, I was quite anxious to tear into something bursting at the seams with so much awesome:

Yet we couldn't help feel that something was missing. Then, like the heart attack that was sure to follow our consumption of this culinary Goliath, inspiration suddenly struck:

Just imagine how lonely that pancake would have been in our stomachs without its buddy maple syrup (butter flavored of course). We were now officially ready, with McLean doing the honors:

So excited he was for The Breakfast Stack that the camera couldn't even capture his movements they were so fast. Next up, yours truly:

What else can I say? It was unparalleled explosion of flavor in my mouth; like my taste buds had just been tag-teamed by Jimmy Dean and Aunt Jemima. With each bite came a sense of accomplishment, so much so that there was a requisite rest period before attempting the next. When it was all said and done, McLean and I conquered The Breakfast Stack... mostly, but also knowing that it is destined to be reborn another time, another place, for the collective benefit of mankind's throbbing hangover.

As the predetermined goal for the weekend was a calculated exploration of the excessive, it only makes sense that our dining habits were so aligned as well. There was the good (chicken gizzards and jalapeno potato buddies from the diviest of dive bars in the State Capital), the bad (me throwing up sauerkraut through my nose at 2am on the windiest beach known to man), and then the downright amazing... which will henceforth be known as The Breakfast Stack.
It all started with an idea; to concoct an assemblage of classical breakfast foods the likes of which have never been seen. Essentially the perfect hangover meal. Did we do it? Judge for yourselves:

What you're looking at is the bastard child of a quiche and the plate scrapings from every customer at Denny's. Here's a cut view, labeled for your convenience:

As you can imagine, I was quite anxious to tear into something bursting at the seams with so much awesome:

Yet we couldn't help feel that something was missing. Then, like the heart attack that was sure to follow our consumption of this culinary Goliath, inspiration suddenly struck:

Just imagine how lonely that pancake would have been in our stomachs without its buddy maple syrup (butter flavored of course). We were now officially ready, with McLean doing the honors:

So excited he was for The Breakfast Stack that the camera couldn't even capture his movements they were so fast. Next up, yours truly:

What else can I say? It was unparalleled explosion of flavor in my mouth; like my taste buds had just been tag-teamed by Jimmy Dean and Aunt Jemima. With each bite came a sense of accomplishment, so much so that there was a requisite rest period before attempting the next. When it was all said and done, McLean and I conquered The Breakfast Stack... mostly, but also knowing that it is destined to be reborn another time, another place, for the collective benefit of mankind's throbbing hangover.


April 1, 2009 7:10 AM
Isn't every beach on the Oregon coast windy?
April 1, 2009 7:22 AM
E ~ I think you missed the point of this post entirely.
April 1, 2009 7:51 AM
It's probably good that you didn't post on the down-under aftermath of ingesting this monster
April 1, 2009 8:28 AM
I hope you guys had a defibrillator handy before you bit into that thing. It looks delicious.
April 1, 2009 8:52 AM
Please send leftovers. Yum!
But the question is...did it cure the hangover? Or did you do more puking on windy beaches after this monster?
April 1, 2009 9:05 AM
"my taste buds had just been tag-teamed by Jimmy Dean and Aunt Jemima"
HA. I love that visual, especially since I'm picturing them in WWF yellow spandex
April 1, 2009 9:28 AM
my mouth is watering a little
April 1, 2009 9:33 AM
How much is your life insurance policy? Maybe we should up it. Because a few more of those and I will be a very young(ish) widow.
April 1, 2009 10:59 AM
Oddly The Breakfast Stack looks good to me. Sauerkraut coming out of your nose, not so pretty. I'm going to have to call you out for the misuse of sauerkraut. It's one of nature's best gifts to us and you go and nasal-voimit it!
April 1, 2009 12:15 PM
That looks like tasty death. I'm not sure if I should drool or look away for fear of heart attack just by seeing it.
April 1, 2009 1:42 PM
Sauerkraut vomit through the nose, huh? Yikes. The worst I ever did was corn through the nose - those suckers shot out like bullets! I didn't eat corn again for about two years. Blah.
April 1, 2009 4:08 PM
I think my stomach just died a little bit.
April 2, 2009 7:10 AM
That looks delicious and I totally want one. Right now.
April 2, 2009 9:56 AM
Holy crap! I've never in my life seen something like that, and I worked as a short order cook once.
April 6, 2009 7:35 PM
How could you eat something so beautiful. I am truely a fan!
April 14, 2009 2:33 PM
THAT looks disgustingly delicious!!!!
September 16, 2009 6:52 AM
I'm slightly ashamed of the fact that a small (ok, large) part of me wants one of those.