I feel like the subject of aging has been coming up on these pages a lot lately, for whatever reasons. Perhaps because I'm turning 30 this year and still trying to figure out if that means anything at all. While I can't say for certain whether or not I'll accept it as some kind of personal milestone, I will confess that all this thought on aging has increased my awareness of not only the process, but of the often times vast differences between those who are only a few years separated by it.

Take today's movie, for example. In Something's Gotta Give, I found myself completely unable to identify with the main characters. Is that because their irrational behavior was a reflection of an aging mind, or because they were yet another cliched example of how movie personas are incapable of expressing themselves until the drama reaches a boiling point? And is it realistic that a still-sexy Diane Keaton would choose a flabby mess like Jack Nicholson over the young Dr. Keanu Reeves? Really? In fact, the only believable part of the movie was that Nicholson is of failing health and has a penchant for banging young girls.

Simply put, this movie feels like it was made by my parents. Should you be of ideal viewing age for Something's Gotta Give, and somehow facile enough with the internet to be reading this blog, allow me to suggest some other things that you might want to try:

• Going to bed at 7pm
• Ignoring the "10 items or less" sign at the grocery store
• Sneezing on random handsome young men on the bus
  
• Buying unreasonable items in bulk (mayonnaise, Imodium A.D., peppermint candies)
• Soaking your feet in Epsom salt
• Voting no on Prop 8
• Taking a water aerobics class
• Stealing sugar packets from Denny's
• Listening to AM radio
• Wearing stirrup pants, a fedora, or bolo tie

Not that it was a completely awful movie, but I can't see myself recommending it to anyone under the age of 40. Yes, Diane Keaton is briefly naked in it, which was surprisingly awesome since at the time she was almost 60. Sadly this 2 seconds of pre-geriatric nudity does not make up for the characters unnecessary alternating between crazy and complacent throughout the film. I don't even think that 30 minutes of Diane Keaton and Goldie Hawn wrestling naked in a kiddie pool full of Ensure could cover that up. 3 pink tacos, and season 1 of Highway to Heaven on DVD; that show is like crack to old people.