This is Why Guys Just Punch Each Other
Conversation (in progress) that happened behind me during this morning's bus ride, re-told as best as my memory will allow:
Girl #1: ...so I looked her right in the eye and said "You have made a very powerful enemy today."
Girl #2: I'm the same way about my shampoo. I once had a roommate who refused to buy her own, so I bought a brand new bottle, dumped out half and then filled it back up with my pee.
Girl #1: No you did not!
Girl #2: I think you know me well enough to know that I did.
Girl #1: Yeah, OK. But peeing into $30 face cream seems a bit heinous, doesn't it? Besides, it would get all runny and she'd know that something's up.
Girl #2: Well you can swap out the expensive stuff for something cheaper, and it doesn't have to be your pee that you mix it with.
Girl #1: I am not putting my poo in it.
Girl #2: What? Oh my God no! That's not what I meant at all.
Girl #1: Then what should I use?
Girl #2: Crisco. Her pores won't know what hit them.
Girl #1: That is horrible. It's perfect!
Girl #2: Plus it will fry her skin if she spends too much time out in the sun!
Girl #1: *makes sizzling sounds* Does anybody else smell fried chicken?!
*Mutual laughter ensues, which is borderline maniacal*
July 17, 2009 11:44 AM
That's actually better than most SITC episodes.
July 17, 2009 11:44 AM
What kind of person refuses to buy their own shampoo? I don't blame them.
July 17, 2009 11:49 AM
Okay, while I see your point, this is completely hilarious.
Who refuses to buy shampoo and face cream? You deserve to have pee on your head and Crisco on your face.
But yeah, just punch the bitch.
July 17, 2009 12:19 PM
As a member of the female sex I am appalled that you would apply such a general stereotype to all of us.
Never mind. I'd probably do something like that myself.
July 17, 2009 1:08 PM
love your comments. by the way.
i have so done that:) what a coincedence... your pre-conceived notions of girl to girl relations are right on point.
did you like what i did there? totally pulled a sarcastic bitch on you.
oh, come on would look soo cute in suspenders and a hat.
July 17, 2009 1:48 PM
Good god. Women are animals!
July 17, 2009 8:57 PM
I can't even think of a remotely close guy equivalent. Maybe, if you ate my last frozen microwaveable burrito without telling me and I was fantasizing about it the whole ride home from the bar at three in the morning. I'd be pretty pissed. But I wouldn't be secretive about my anger. Maybe I'd pinch a loaf on your pillow or something but I'd leave a nice note with it, like "Thanks for eating my last burrito. Dick."
July 17, 2009 11:13 PM
How do I follow your blog?
July 18, 2009 6:25 AM
Damn...and all this time I've been just talking about bitches behind their backs.
July 18, 2009 6:47 AM
Girls are evil: FACT!
July 18, 2009 10:42 AM
I never want to hear how mean I am again. Ever. That just proves that I am not the most evil person you know.
And, admit it, their evilness kinda turned you on.
July 18, 2009 12:20 PM
Christie's right, you know their evilness did turn you on...you're suck a sick bastard.
July 18, 2009 3:01 PM
Mr. Smith - Agreed. At least these girls had yet to be mummified by vodka and cigarette smoke.
Shannanon - Another shampoo pee-er. I knew it!
Shiner - I assumed that your red hair would leave you inclined to immediately go the route of violence.
Floretta - Someone's just upset that they didn't think of it first!
Bee - I fail to see how it counts as sarcasm for someone who has actually done it?
Danny Boy - Absolutely. The fact that we have chosen to live with them is a testament to our own courage.
Jay's middle name is actually James - So. Fucking. True!
Haras - On the bottom of my sidebar on the right, you should be able to click the "Join This Site" button.
Gwendolyn - Surely you're being too modest!
Son of Man - Correct! It's even been proven.
Kristy - While you of all people would know that I like to bring Crisco into the bedroom just as much as the next guy, I think you're drawing too straight of a line here.
Simian Princess - Please see above comment.
July 18, 2009 7:58 PM
Girls are vindictive, but I would never take the time to pee in someone's shampoo. I'd just hide the shit.
July 19, 2009 1:01 AM
The female of the species... To take the trouble of peeing into a schampoo bottle - genius!
July 19, 2009 6:10 AM
excellent re-count.
were you jotting down notes?
July 19, 2009 10:41 AM
Oh no she didn't.
July 19, 2009 1:26 PM
Ugh... Two more to add to the "stupid-people-who-should-die-or-at-least-be-sterilized" list. This is why I'm not friends with more girls. They are clever in their deviousness!
July 20, 2009 11:20 AM
I am NEVER getting a roommate again! OMG! That's just evil!
July 21, 2009 12:42 AM
Girls are evil and that makes me horny.
July 21, 2009 11:00 AM
Evil and plain gross! Damn hilarious though, and the blog title just makes it better.
July 21, 2009 11:01 AM
This is probably why I don't have very many female friends, but it's really funny when it's happening to someone else. :)
July 21, 2009 2:30 PM
Girls are crazy! Glad I only had brothers growing up.
July 23, 2009 5:30 AM
Once, when my college roommates were being total bitches, I had my boyfriend piss into a bottle of whiskey.Then later, we watched them drink it.
But we never told them. Now that would have been mean.
July 23, 2009 7:18 AM
WHOA...those women are super evil. We are not all like that! For the love of God, no!
July 23, 2009 12:09 PM
I've heard of similar stories on Collegehumor. It's not that unbelievable actually. Some women are just conniving when it comes to messing with their hair products.
July 23, 2009 1:10 PM
OK, is it that women are inherently mean or inherently insane about their bathroom products? Or both?
July 24, 2009 9:43 AM
Yeah. You win. That's brutal.
(and one of the reasons I hate most of humanity.)
July 24, 2009 1:25 PM
Wow...getting that bent out of shape over FACE CREAM??? Diva much?
August 5, 2009 10:41 AM
this one time, we thought someone did it on our sheets at a sleepover so we locked the door and my bf rubbed his choad all over the suspected couples' pillows. turned out, they didn't do it and they slept on sweaty taint spread anyway. don't tell me guys are not just as vindictive...just maybe not as creative.
crisco man....that's pretty hardcore.
August 5, 2009 10:45 AM
i will say that only women would get excited about clogging someone's pores. i can't see a guy going, "Ted is a douche. Let's give him pimples!"