All of These Things Need to Go Away
at Friday, November 13, 2009
Any and everything related to next week's release of New Moon. Yes, this even includes the X-rated version, New Poon.
In-store Christmas displays. They've been up since the Monday after Halloween, and the only way I'm buying any of that junk sooner than the day after Christmas is if it's a zombie nativity scene.
Swine flu. Get a vaccine if you can find one, don't yawn around sneezy people, and wash your damn hands.
Photo montages and/or sappy videos set to Green Day's "Time of Your Life". The only situation in which it's appropriate to use that song is in remembrance of someone you didn't know well enough to say something original about.
The sudden and unwelcome increase in instances of people telling me "It is what it is". Things are going great right now, so I'm unsure as to why others think I need to hear that hollow sentiment. Unless of course "what it is" is them dying in a fire.
Jean-Claude Van Damme. I mean seriously; you can only let so many heartfelt fan letters go unanswered before giving up on someone.
November 23rd. It's no small coincidence that this is my 30th birthday. If anyone questions my constant, belligerent drunkenness next weekend, I'll probably just start ranting about how awesome 1995 was until they leave me alone.
In-store Christmas displays. They've been up since the Monday after Halloween, and the only way I'm buying any of that junk sooner than the day after Christmas is if it's a zombie nativity scene.
Swine flu. Get a vaccine if you can find one, don't yawn around sneezy people, and wash your damn hands.
Photo montages and/or sappy videos set to Green Day's "Time of Your Life". The only situation in which it's appropriate to use that song is in remembrance of someone you didn't know well enough to say something original about.
The sudden and unwelcome increase in instances of people telling me "It is what it is". Things are going great right now, so I'm unsure as to why others think I need to hear that hollow sentiment. Unless of course "what it is" is them dying in a fire.
Jean-Claude Van Damme. I mean seriously; you can only let so many heartfelt fan letters go unanswered before giving up on someone.
November 23rd. It's no small coincidence that this is my 30th birthday. If anyone questions my constant, belligerent drunkenness next weekend, I'll probably just start ranting about how awesome 1995 was until they leave me alone.
November 13, 2009 6:06 AM
i was going to surprise you with having jean-claude show up at your bday party to make balloon animals, but i guess i'll just tell him not to bother.
November 13, 2009 6:31 AM
30 is terrible.
November 13, 2009 6:31 AM
I might actually watch New Poon before I would even consider watching New Moon.
1995 was awesome.
November 13, 2009 7:14 AM
Omg yes the twilight stuff really needs to stop. It's become a mania now a days. The radio station at my job plays "Time of your life" every single day. =(
Happy early birthday!! 1995 was the awesomest. =)
November 13, 2009 7:48 AM
Dear Jay,
It is what it is.
Signed,
Jean-Claude Van Damme
November 13, 2009 8:57 AM
New Poon? Awesome.
And hold on to 30, cause you'll wake up the next day staring 40 in the face and wondering what the fuck just happened.
November 13, 2009 9:43 AM
I will hand deliver Malin Akerman (I don't know...she's the first person who came to mind. After Eliza Dushku, who's always first.), naked, on a silver platter, if you can make all things Twilight go away.
And I'm so happy to know that I will be 29 for a blessed two more weeks after you're suffering through 30. WIN!
November 13, 2009 10:20 AM
The use of "it is what it is" has got to be one of my biggest pet peeves ever. You can apply it to anything, because it doesn't have any meaning.
November 13, 2009 10:55 AM
Ohh I'm sorry if the dollie creeped ya out. It is a lil creepy to me too, I keep it under lock & key so it can't get out. =P
November 13, 2009 10:59 AM
You should probably avoid my blog for another 9 days then. This includes the 6 days we have left until the movie and a good 3 days for me to talk about it after.
November 13, 2009 12:09 PM
1995 was awesome.
November 13, 2009 12:18 PM
A zombie nativity scene. That's the mental image of the week, man. Great job.
The three wise corpses alone would be worth the effort.
November 13, 2009 1:21 PM
i'm anti-new moon, but ooh... new poon?
and 1995 rocked. 3rd grade FTW!
November 13, 2009 3:57 PM
New Poon simply sounds more delicious about now...
Just discovered your blog...lurrrve your wits!
Great weekend okie*
November 13, 2009 4:36 PM
1995 was pretty awesome. In fact, the 90's were pretty awesome.
Oh, and when people don't leave me alone I just kick them in the shins. Hard.
Welcome to your 30's!
November 13, 2009 4:38 PM
Great. Now I have that stupid Green Day song stuck in my head. I'm very impressionable.
November 13, 2009 5:49 PM
i am guilty of having an affinity towards a couple of these things.
but i'm not going to tell you which ones.
you know, just to keep the magic alive.
November 13, 2009 8:29 PM
JCVD is just playing hard to get.
November 14, 2009 7:32 AM
I have to say I'm disappointed that Death Cab for Cutie wrote a song for that piece of shit series of movies.
You know, I remember when "Interview With The Vampire" was all the rage when I was in high school. The girls who read that tripe creeped me out then, and the girls who read "Twilight" creep me out now. When I went to school on Thursday to meet with my advisor, I saw a car in the parking lot with a bumper sticker that read, "I Drive Like A Cullen." It suddenly struck me that even adult women get wet over ... I can't think of the lead character's name because I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
Sometimes I think I'm a 50-year-old woman in a 20-something's body. Complete with hemorrhoids to bridge the gap.
Har.
November 14, 2009 7:56 AM
but 1995 WAS awesome!
November 14, 2009 9:43 PM
Hi Hi!! As an early birthday present I gave you the honest scrap award over at my blog. You totally deserve it. Cheers!
November 15, 2009 6:22 AM
I have to say, your 30s are SO much better than your 20s! You'll LOVE being 30!!
November 15, 2009 9:06 PM
Hear hear! Except for that Jean Claude Van Damm part, that is just wrong.
And 1995 sucked. I threw my worthless Ex out and had to work an extra job. I'd rather blow guys for money under an overpass than work retail during the lead-up to Christmas again. Although if I could have gotten a discount on a zombie nativity set that would have been fucking class.