I think enough time has passed for me to say this without consequence -- 2009 kind of sucked. OK, maybe it didn't suck as hard for me as it did for some of these people (seriously, don't click that last one), but I believe that kind of thing to be relative anyway; I mean, who's to say that having the flesh torn from your face and hands by a 200lb chimpanzee is really any worse than that time last March when I spaced on the gas bill and had to go without hot water for AN ENTIRE WEEKEND. And don't even get me started on the heart-pounding "misplaced mp3 player" fiasco that consumed a great deal of my August 7th.

Maybe the whole year was just a death by 1,000 cuts kind of scenario, wherein the cumulative effect of so many minor inconveniences makes the idea of stabbing things a far more likely plan B. That or because the economy remains in the shitter. Or possibly because we successfully leveraged "the voice of a generation" to get this awesome guy into office, only to find out it was almost all pillow talk. Above all else, 2009 blew because it was a year of stagnation. I suppose consumer electronics and home computing had a pretty decent go at it, but as far as I can tell, hoverboards and (commercially-viable) flying cars remain nowhere near the horizon. At this point I'd even settle for a pair of self-tying shoes. There's something wrong with a society where I can experience a warmth unrestricted by gangly arms, yet still have to have to tie my own shoes.

For these reasons and so much more, I was inspired to artistically bid farewell to 2009... by drawing a picture of it being burned alive:

This is what it looks like when something is hastily drawn while taking a break at my desk, where I only have highlighters and a crappy scanner with which to inspire you all. And yes, I considered representing 2009 as an old man, per tradition, before realizing I've already spent a little too much time on that subject.

Oh, and Happy New Year!