Dr. Paranoia is in the House
at Monday, June 21, 2010
I really think the people at WebMD could step it up a notch and program a feature that, after some schmuck searches the symptom checker on weekly basis from the same IP address, a full screen pop-up is activated that flashes the following message in bright red letters:
You are suffering from a very common condition called
"LAZY"
The only known treatment for which is to stop eating like a trucker with a tapeworm,
spend less time lying awake at night feeling your pulse,
and more time actually exercising.
"LAZY"
The only known treatment for which is to stop eating like a trucker with a tapeworm,
spend less time lying awake at night feeling your pulse,
and more time actually exercising.
I think they would really be doing a great service to us hypochondriacs of the information age out there. Although I suppose the giant flashy letters can be optional, just in case it turns out they really did have epilepsy or something.





June 21, 2010 at 6:03 AM
According to WebMD I have Ebola.
I think that means I'm the winner here.
June 21, 2010 at 6:19 AM
Hahaha awesome! Yeahh Lazy needs to be a category! I used it when I had I didn't know what was wrong with my stomach & they kept saying pregnancy. Nope, it was bad gall bladder. lol, go figure!
June 21, 2010 at 6:46 AM
I think YOU'RE pregnant.
I just checked for me and I either have pink eye, astigmatism, corneal flash burns, multiple sclerosis, or hay fever.
Hmmmmm.......
June 21, 2010 at 10:20 AM
If it's a girl can you name it after me? Just call it Wacko. That's my name, don't wear it out!
June 21, 2010 at 10:36 AM
I never check WebMD. Guess that means I'm neither LAZY nor PREGNANT.
I really hope your pregnancy goes well, Jay. I'll send you some BlueBell ice cream for the shower.
June 21, 2010 at 11:44 AM
At least it's not saying you have Black Hairy Tongue (yes, this is an actual disorder)!
June 22, 2010 at 2:49 PM
I have bloody stool.
Not really, just trying to fit in.
I've gone about it incorrectly, haven't I?
June 22, 2010 at 4:48 PM
There's an official term for searching online for a medical diagnosis for symptoms you may or may not have, you know. They call these people cyberchondriacs.
People will put a label anything these days.
June 22, 2010 at 7:20 PM
My wife has banned me from WebMD, mainly because last time I consulted it, I convinced myself I had Malaria and Guinea Worm Disease. Simultaneously.
P.S. You just got yerself a new reader.
July 29, 2010 at 7:39 AM
I HATE webmd... seemed like a good idea at some point and by now it makes you just want to end the pain and swallow the entire bottle of pills.