Earlier this year I had a ridiculous dream. Not like the one where I thought I had a shot with Gerard Butler, which is really more impossible than it is ridiculous. In this dream I was basically a taller, PG rated version of Jigsaw from the Saw movies, wherein I crafted an array of overly-complicated devices used to inflict mildly bothersome consequences upon the losers of my evil(ish) games.

Most of my dreams dissolve into vapor before I even make it out of the shower, but for some reason a small part of this one stayed with me throughout the day. A stupid, pretty lame part (a notion I later proved to be spot on), regarding a machine that allows its operator to slap the shit out of themselves. Stupid. Pointless. Completely stuck in my head.

So... I did what any really good-looking person with a lot of time on his hands would do and I built the thing out of scraps in my garage. Once out of my head and sitting on my workbench, I guess I wasn't quite as committed to the idea of slapping myself in the face, because the slap machine has been collecting dust ever since. Until now.

You may need to turn your volume up to get the full disappointing experience: