at Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Helo peeples. It has been long tyme sense I has posted readable things that half been written by mineself. Maybe it will bee taking me alot of doing good to get more better at it again.
Sadly, that is seriously how I feel about my writing capabilities at this point. Why haven’t I been writing? Where did the time go? Why did I pay another $11 to renew a domain name that I only sort of like if I have no intentions of ever using it? All very powerful questions, too powerful in fact for me to waste my time attempting to answer. The simple, unifying issue here is one of repetitive, self-defeating behavior, as illustrated by this handy chart:
(Nic Cage seemed an appropriate centerpiece, as I've always thought him to be the embodiment of bat shit crazy frustration)
This has been my process for the last 2-3 years. It’s hardly intentional, unless you were to define “intentional” as something one allows to happen despite being of sound enough mind and free will to prevent it.
Now what? Should I proceed as usual, interspersing the normal awesomeness that fills these pages with a bunch of empty promises? Yeah no. While I honestly have a totally legit sincere mega-true desire to write more, live louder, and save 15 percent or more on my car insurance, I've come to realize that I must reframe any attempt to change in a way that is usable for me. In the past I've always pictured myself transforming into some productivity guru, whose ceaseless knowledge of every little lifehack would pave the way to some glorious Zen-like state of getting shit done. This time, I'm taking a somewhat more... personalized approach:
I'm sure you can all relate to age old desire of having some sense punched directly into your face. All I did was visualize it in such a way that I am both the puncher and the punchee. This is mostly because my craigslist ad soliciting someone to actually punch me in the face kept getting removed, but the more I think about it, this way is far better because it illustrates a point without breaking my moneymaker. You're welcome, ladies.
Old Jay had a habit of putting too much pressure on himself, which led to him overthinking everything until his butthole clenched up to the size of a mouse's, to the point that he was afraid to act for fear of any number of generally implausible worst case scenarios. In essence, Old Jay spent way too much time thinking and not enough time doing. This was without a doubt his most fatal flaw, and the main reason why New Jay was forced to punch him out and steal his wife and children.
As hard as I try, there will still be parts of this identity swap that remain a work in progress. New Jay can sometimes be an asshole to people for no good reason, and shares Old Jay's rampant lust for baked goods. The credit reporting agencies also don't seem to be buying into the idea of self-replacement and wiping out debt attributed to one's previously flawed personality. That's just the way life is though; no matter how strong or weak, smart or dumb you may be, there is an inescapable element of self-actualization that we are all faced with. The opportunity for constant improvement is ever present and never ending. Even those who achieve greatness of mindfuckable proportions will not find themselves any more exempt from the vastness of their own potential. In that sense, hope, possibility, and purpose are all a part of who we are. New Jay finds this a comforting thought, as it offers little reason not to do big things while having as much fun as possible along the way.
So yeah... like I said, nobody's making any promises here. However, I encourage you to check in with me from time to time. Just in case something big happens.